In the heat of the moment, it can be difficult to figure out what you’re comfortable doing, and sometimes even more difficult to say «no» or «not yet,» why is why it’s so important to set up boundaries before getting too far in, certified life coach Cassandra James, tells Bustle.
Go into the evening knowing what you’ll feel comfy doing, as well as what’s going to be off limits. This can be an ongoing discussion you have with yourself, and it’s always fine to figure it out as you go, and think «hmm, OK, never trying that again.» But if you already have some hard and fast rules, don’t let anyone pressure you into breaking them.
6. Not Paying Attention To Your Own Needs
While a hook up will obviously be about those involved, try not to focus solely on your partner, and forget about yourself. As Geter says, staying tuned into your own needs and desires (you know, multitasking) is where it’s at.
It can be a lot to think about, as you try to balance all your thoughts, along with what you’re doing, and what your partner is doing. So if you happen to forget or think you could do better next time, that’s fine. You can, however, go into a hook up knowing that your needs are important, too, and try to make them a priority.
7. Feeling Like You Have To Teach Your Partner Something New
Unless you’re being awesome and pointing out what you like in bed best free dating apps, don’t feel like you have to spend the night telling your partner what’s what. And you certainly don’t have to get too creative, or teach them something new â€” like some weird position involving a couch â€” if you don’t want to.
«This is not the time to teach anybody anything,» Luiz says. You first hook up can simply be a time to get out of your head and do whatever feels right. If both of you are into it, then go for it, but don’t feel pressured to wow them, or try funky positions, or be over the top. If you hook up again, there will be plenty of time for that.
8. Forgetting To Tell Someone Where You’re Going
In an effort to be as safe as possible, it’s always a good idea to give your friends a heads up when going home with someone new. If you met this person on a dating app, tell your friend (or roommate, or mom) their name, where you plan to meet, and call them again once you get home safely.
You might also «consider using an app like iSurvive, which allows you to quickly and secretly send your location to multiple friends at once so they can come to your aid without involving family members or the authorities â€” unless absolutely necessary,» Daniel Saurborn, MD, tells Bustle.
This will help keep you safe when out and about with people you don’t know very well, so you can have a good time without worrying, or causing your loves ones to worry.
9. Feeling Anything Less Than Confident
Easier said than done, of course. But going into a hook up situation worrying about your body, or your skill level, or whatever else is a recipe for a lame night. So give yourself a little confidence boost beforehand, perhaps by popping off to the bathroom to give yourself a bit of a pep talk.
«You can do this both inside and outside,» psychologist Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman, tells Bustle. Try reciting a few self-esteem mantras, or showing up in an outfit that makes you feel particularly great. Whatever that may be.